Sunday, August 26, 2012

Peer Feedback #1

I must say, I am NOT proud of this essay at all, because I had no idea how to start it. However, it's a start, so I'd love to hear some of your ideas. What can I improve? Don't be afraid to be a little tough!

Leisure is known as "time available for ease and relaxation." Leisure had not prospered, according to George Eliot. George Eliot describes "Old Leisure" in his poem, by refering to tradional times. The author believes leisure has left us, and how we are somewhat confused on what "real" leisure is today.

The author describes how philosphers tried to impose the great steam engine was to create a leisure of mankind. However, Eliot feels the more we try to prosper, the more we lose our traditional values. By improving our technology, we are creating a gap between traditional values, to selfish needs. For example, families would always go to church on Sunday morning, but now the audience has decreased. The obvious point the author is trying to make is how traditional values are being less focused on, and we are focusing on a way that will blind us from our past.

The author is imposing how the modern day society is "weak: and we do not look at life as happiness, but as a "task." We simply do what we are told, and do not go above what we are expected. For example, they're a various of types of students. Students who go to class, do their work, and nothing else. However, they're those students who go beyond and try to be opportunists. Eliot describes how our modern day society takes advantages of what we have. Our society looks more on what we don't have, and how we want more.

In conclusion, George Eliot's ideas on leisures explains old fashioned values, and modern day society ungratefulness. Today's society is selfish, and takes advantage on how good our life is. The old society showed appreciation by giving thanks in church, while we give thanks to no one. It's obvious our times have changed, however, there is hope for a change for the betterment of our society.

6 comments:

  1. Nice job! I agree on your opinion haha But I think it would have been better if you included her writing styles and more examples from her poem. :)

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  2. Good job, overall you did very good but maybe your diction and introduction could have been better. I liked the idea that you were going for .

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  3. I like how you began with the definition of leisure and contradicted a lot of Eliot's opinions. Good job!

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  4. Your intro was kind of weak but you blew me away as I got into the first paragraph. You used great examples and diction for the time you were given and I enjoyed reading your point of view on the subject.

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  5. Well the first sentence I think was great. Michelle is right those the intro could use some work. Your examples were wonderful though. I like the one about goin gto church because it is sad but true.

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  6. Over all, I think you understood the poem and your points were explained very well. I'd say try not to repeat words. For example you used "impose" twice, just look for a synonym of the word. Half way through I didn't know where you were going with the essay but then by the end I figured it out. I also liked how easily you summed the poem up in this sentence "In conclusion, George Eliot's ideas on leisures explains old fashioned values, and modern day society ungratefulness"
    Good Job!

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